Value and your self esteem

So think about your value and your self esteem, because here is the bottom line. If we need things to be perfect, then we are going to go into beat up mode when they are not.

To go into beat up mode when we are not perfect; then we start to focus on everything that is wrong with us, everything we do wrong, everything we don’t do right, everything that you know we don’t look a certain way or you know; I can’t do this like this or we start to get into that self imposed, self doughty, what I do wrong, what I do bad? And it is literally the most selfish thing we can do. Why is it selfish? Because the best us doesn’t show up.

We are so focussed on us and so focussed on our inadequacies and what we do wrong, the best of us doesn’t show up for ourselves or other people. So, literally it is the most selfish thing we can do on this planet to be consumed with self doubt, self criticism, inadequacies.

We get preoccupied. We get wrapped up in our own stuff and then we can’t really show up for other people, the best us doesn’t come out and maybe it is a business, maybe it is you know “My business isn’t going this well. Here is what is the problem with my business is. I am not making enough money and somebody is causing me to do this” or “There is a problem with my director” or “There is a problem with this person or people that are working for me” and this is an issue and this is a problem and all that stuff and sometimes we call it being negative; it’s not necessarily being negative, it just focussed on our inadequacies or what’s going wrong in our life.

Sometimes it is “Hey, you know, I can’t do that. I am like this. This is the kind of person I am,” and that self dialogue is absolutely selfish and egotistical, but sometimes we think it is egotistical to focus on our greatness, because of how we were brought up or some of our belief systems, but it is not so.

The best thing in the world that we can do is to celebrate our own goodness. The best thing we can do is to focus our self, focus on what is great about ourselves, the things that we do wonderful, focus on our greatness; that’s not egotistical.

When we do that we are focussed on being able to help other people, focussed on being able to have the real us show up and that is the objective, bottom line is to be you, real, genuine, authentic, without any need to impress, without any need to pretend, without any need to feel ashamed or any need to fear.

It is literally the hardest thing we do is to be, just simply be ourselves. I know that sounds like a cliché, be yourself, but it is literally the hardest thing we can do, but it is the most important task in our existence, literally the highest level of maturity.

Peace of mind, comfort with ourselves and there is a lot of contributors to this, right? Some of that contributing factors is how we were brought up, the nurture, no doubt about it, that is very real. How people talk to us, how people say things to us, that is very real, but the other piece is this piece when we talk about systemic thought.

“Oh, life should look like this. People should be like this, it should be perfect” and when it is not whose fault is it? Ours, because it is not stacking up to the way it is supposed to be and that creates this whole thing that says why am I not making this happen?

I told myself I was going to be making this amount of money each month. I told myself I was going to be saving this amount of money each month. Why am I not making that happen?

There is something wrong with me. Maybe not and probably not.

The bottom line is you created expectations that weren’t necessarily realistic with the time and energy that it is going to take to do them. I want it now. I wanted it yesterday. Maybe it is going to take some more preparation, but notice how we go into beat up mode, because we will compare our worst with somebody’s very best and that creates the self dialogue where we feel inadequate, the most selfish thing we can do.

What Motivates You?

I would like to explore today is motivation and really talk about what motivates you and guides you.
So, here is what I want all of you to do, either pull out a piece of paper or you can look at your motivation…
(The motivation section in self direction).

Let me just have you pull out a piece of paper for now, and just draw a circle, draw a circle about the size of a water bottle, and what I want you to do is at the top of the circle, I will give you just a minute here to do this, again just a little circle, size of the bottom of a water bottle and at the top of that circle, I want you to write the word “obligation.”

Some of you have done this before, that is okay, just keep working through this, but at the top of that circle write the word “obligation” and at 2 o’clock, I want you to write the word “fatigue;” at 4 o’clock I want you to write the word “rebel;” at 6 o’clock write the word “quit” or you can even put “desire to quit;” at 8 o’clock the word “guilty;” and at 10 o’clock the word “recommit.”

Now, I have really found three basic forms of motivation and this is one of them. We call this the obligation psyche. When you are a little out of balance with your motivation, you might think that you have to do things you should, you must, you are obligated. I have got to do it. Have to, should, must, need to, ought to, supposed to; what happens is if you believe, you might believe that the work that you are doing, whatever that work is in that particular area and this might be personal, doesn’t have value to your life; now if you have to, must, should, ought to, supposed to, need to, if you feel obligated, without a doubt you are going to feel fatigued, burn out, right?

A lack of motivation, a lack of excitement. May be it is mental fatigue, may be it is physical fatigue, but absolutely fatigued and if you get tired, which you will if you are obligated to do it and again this obligation goes back to,

“Hey, if I want to get anything done in my life, I have to do it, I must do it,” then it will get done. That is why it is giving you that advice, but if it is have to, should or must, I guarantee you will get tired and if you get tired, then you will start to rebel and rebellion manifest itself in not finding excitement in things, in some of the details, you know not finding enthusiasm, maybe even avoiding the obedience that you know you need to have, do something or get something done. By the way remember when we talked about this obedience as a key to freedom.

So, you rebel against the obedience and then there is that the quit or desire to quit and quitting may manifest itself in “Hey, taking a nap” or simply saying “You know I am going to quit this business,” whatever business you are in. I am going to avoid doing this thing. I have a desire to quit, but then the guilt sets in. You know there is people that I need to take care of or now I have all this obligation, I got to… I feel guilty that I didn’t do it. So, you recommit and go back and do it, because you have to, must or should till you get tired again and you will and the cycle continues. This is called being motivated by obligation.

Now, there is a different way to feel motivated. You can be motivated by choice. It doesn’t have to be obligation, but there is an entire cycle and the next 45 minutes will really need to be spent, really looking at how we can create motivation, true motivation around excitement, around choice and not built around this obligation, not feeling like you have to, you must, should, you need to, you ought to, you are supposed to. Here is a different way; it is through choice, choice and accountability. I get to, I want to, I choose to; it doesn’t happen automatically, it doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process and it definitely takes time.